|
Viewing 1 - 8 out of 8 Blogs.
By my dear friend and mentor: Rev. Cynthia James Hidden beliefs we often carry with us: Everything that goes wrong is my fault and I need to apologize Being vulnerable causes pain and heartbreak. Arguments and conflict ALWAYS lead to violence. In order to be loved I msut be happy all of the time. I am damaged goods. I am not capable of being successful. I need to lie to be safe. I need to control EVERYTHING. Everyone must like me and approve of my choices. I must stay in unhealthy relationships to prove my worth. Learning: If I'm trying to control everything I cannot stay on purpose because I am distracted. Every relationship mirrors to me. In relationship, others are not attracting me to them. I am attracting them to me for my healing. I can walk out of an unhealthy relationship because I deserve more than that. I am powerful. God is my life. All healing takes place at the spiritual level-knowing you are God expressing..all the other beliefs are distractions. Must pray, meditate, journal, vision I am valuable. My story is just info. Just the facts. Change it. I have a voice and it is essential that I use it. My mind and my body connect. I must consistently work to keep them aligned. The secrets of the past have no power over me. Forgiveness for myself and others is necessary for my health. Reclaiming myself is a journey of unlimited possibilities. Radical self-care of myself before others supports my sanity and peace. I must honor my innocence. I must laugh at myself and not be so serious all the time. Open my heart and learn this language of the heart..You have to be the thing you want first. I must work on my willingness..sometimes just being willing to be willing allows you to expand. These things I know for sure...
The Invitation It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
I've often been asking what took me to Ukraine and how I met Neale Donald Walsch.
I originally went over to Ukraine in 2004 as an International youth ambassador for the religion and philosophy of Religious Science. (The New Thought Ancient Wisdom movement founded by Ernest Holmes and a philosphy that follows much of the old teachings of Eastern religions, Christianity, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Thomas Troward, and Emma Curtis Hopkins.) Many of our teachers in this philosophy and movement, ie: Dr. Michael Beckwith from Agape Spiritual Center in LA, were involved with "The Secret."
I was a keynote speaker and working with a group of young adults ages 16-25. I was only 20 yrs old:) I preceded to attend the conference on the Black Sea for the last 4 years also living there for up to 6 months. Neale Donald Walsch was invited last year to speak there. He had never been to Ukraine although all of his books are translated into Russian. He was profoundly moved by the experience and by the people. He was shocked that there was someone my age there from Boulder, Colorado having such close relations with the people and culture as well as my service and willingness to GO BIG!. Ukraine is close to my heart and is my second family. To see video footage, trailers of this and last year's conference you can go to: (you might even see me there:) For more information about these videos and Temenos: Center of Self-Realization- Cherkasy, Ukraine go to: www.scienceofmind.org.uaEnjoy:) Savanna
September 2007 Cherkasy, Ukraine
I am seeing day by day that I am strong...I am strong. I am starting to really understand the reason I survived my birth and came out so strong having been born 3 ½ pounds, 10 weeks early, and fully well in intensive care after 2-4 weeks. Since the day I was born, I have had this inner strength, and what happened this morning revealed just one reason I came here in form. I never thought I would be in an almost third world country hospital having a tourniquet belt on my arm giving blood to a woman I couldnt understand. Never did I think that one of my best friends would be so ill. For the first time in my life I am consciously seeing someone I care about go through alot of pain and fear. I witnessed it as a child with my mother having the aneurysm and my grandmother on her death bed. But this time, I am involved in a much deeper way than before. I fully understand what is happening and what it means. Rev. Barbara said to me this morning, "Savanna, you were ready for this. Spirit is calling you to look deeper into yourself for your love, compassion, and strength. There is no wasted energy. This is only helping you learn to become more conscious and react consciously instead of emotionally." This is true. This morning at 7am I waited on a curbside in the quiet city of Cherkasy, in the cold for Vitalik's parents and him to take us to the hospital. As I got into the car, I felt an eerie feeling inside and looked at Vitalik as he gave me a half smile and asked how I was. As I looked at him, his face was yellow and his mouth dry...I felt like crying but my heart went out to him. I could see how ill he was and I remembered to be strong for him. I could feel his fear and his parents' fear even though he would not say it. They feared for the worst. As I waited outside with his father, Vitalik and his mother proceeded to talk to the doctor about his symptoms. I immediately felt moved to stop inside the car and pray...I visualized his smile that I so often see and him covered in light...I imagined us both in light and knew that Spirit was with him every step of the way. They informed him that he has the symptoms for the virus Hepatitis A or Jondus. This is apparently common in Ukraine mostly when people do not have proper hygiene or dont wash their fruits and vegetables well. I was a little nervous to walk inside knowing I wouldnt understand what was being said. I walked in and Vitalik put his hand on my back as we walked upstairs to wait for our test. No paperwork..no money. I waited. We talked. He said he felt nauseous and that his nights were horrible because he couldnt breathe. I sat there in confidence and with great compassion, hurting inside for him....wishing I could make it all go away...and wondering if this was the reason I came to Ukraine..if I was to come here to experience all of this for my own inner strength and to be there for him. Thank God I could hear my mother's voice this morning before going in if only for a moment. I felt calm and actually just smiled as we walked upstairs because it was so surreal yet I felt God with me. We walked into a room and I placed my arm onto a pad and the woman so gracefully took my blood...I watched in awe as we gave them the needles and syringes we brought from the store, they looked to me like the ones I had when I would play doctor in the bathtub as a little child. After, I spoke with Vitalik and he informed me that he had to stay there overnight and if he was sick would have to be there for 3 weeks. I felt ill and quite sad for him. I cant imagine really what he is thinking inside. As I told him goodbye, I said, "I love you. Eta harasho..It's ok. Call me when you know." He just smiled and waved a peace sign to me...Sooo Vitalik. As his father drove me home, all I could think about was how thankful I am that I was there with him to be of support...as scared as I was..I was strong...he is strong. We hold him in light. I realized later that Hepatitis A is the mildest type and easiest to endure. . and thank goodness my vaccine 6 weeks prior to arriving in Ukraine was for Hepatitis. As emotional and sensitive as I may be and have been over the years, I know that I have a deep inner strength...it is what pushed me to be on this planet..As my mother has always said, "You were supposed to be here...you have things to do." Perhaps this is just one example of why...to make me stronger and to give others the strength they need
It's time to reclaim ourselves as divine, pure, perfect, and whole people. We arent just things moving around...we're full of light and love. It truly is a shame that, in my case, men in my life walk around themselves, their feelings, and me trying too hard not to "fall" in love or be hurt...or have their egos bruised when all along all they have to do is FEEL something. Live in THIS moment, let go of all insecurity and fall....fall hard...into loving someone so much that you can let go of all vulnerability and be free of fear! Fall so hard that you are free to love forever...and ever...no matter the circumstance..no matter the conditions at hand. Love so fully and completely that your ego cannot control you anymore. This is what I urge you to do. All men...all women..all of us. It is time that we stop living artificially and in some world of separation...of thinking,"I cant love you in fear I'll get hurt and then live the rest of our lives unavailable to ourselves and others because of this insecurity and deep fear of who we really are and in deep fear of our own self worth. This is what it is about. Self worth. If you valued yourself and loved yourself completely and fully, there would be no need to expect, attach, detach, separate, fear. There would be trust that your love for yourself would eminate unto everyone you meet and therefore, attract to you only good. Only God. So stop worrying about "falling" into love and just LOVE. Love completely....love with no conditions...love not expecting anything in return. This is truly the task at hand. Replace the jealousy with compassion and care...replace the fear of being alone with an inner knowing that there is something bigger guiding your life....replace all fear of pain or fear of feeling pain with all the joy that exists inside you. There is a greater love...a love so pure and so deep that ego cant touch this love...It is you..It is me...it is everywhere...we just have to stop fearing It. Just LOVE and be love. And in return.....love.
There is a purpose There is a purpose that defines you. Live true to that purpose, and you bring unstoppable power and persistence to your actions. There is a purpose that fulfills you. Find and understand that purpose, and you will achieve great and meaningful things. There is a purpose that is you. But how do you uncover that purpose? Learn to let go of all the things that ultimately have no lasting meaning. Choose to look at life and to see what you know, rather than what others tell you that you should see. Look beyond the fleeting, superficial concerns of fame, fortune and fashion. Focus instead on building real and timeless qualities such as value, wisdom and love. Seek that which is real, that which has substance, and the purpose that is your own will become abundantly clear. Stay connected to that purpose, and experience its unmatched power.
When you commit to the practice of silence, your relationship to the entire universe changes. Your communication deepens and extends. Those who know you understand without you telling them. Your meaning is carried by the breath and by the wind. There is no more difference between the inner and outer. Earth and heaven meet where your heart and mind join in silent bliss. Only your fear keeps you in resistance to life. Move through the fear by breathing and the resistance dissolves. Now you are flowing with the current of life. Do you need to get a job, be married, have children, write books, give talks, feed the hungry, save the disenfranchised and disheartened? Not unless they join you in the river. And if they do, you can be sure it is not you working, marrying, procreating, writing, talking, feeding or saving. It is the river doing it through you. And so you remain cheerful and at ease whatever you are doing. Nothing keeps you from breathing, because breathing is your only responsibility. For many years you have been moving too fast for the river to catch up to you. No wonder you don't feel supported by the universe! But, take heart, every indigenous people who have lived on the planet have known and practiced what I am teaching to you. And somewhere, deep in your heart, you know and remember it too. For once, before your ego tried to take charge of the journey, you were the patient captain of your own ship, moving without oars or sails to a destination intuited but unknown. And it is the same now, even though you think you must work at being in charge. Breathe and in time the river of life will find you and adopt you. And then you will be its spokesman and its confidant. The one who listens and the one who tells the truth. The one who serves without saving. And loves without asking in return. All this is your destiny. To be the creator and the created, all in one. To be the male in the female and female in male. To be active and receptive. To go beyond duality on the wings of paradox. All this you will do, because the Messiah has come and the Messiah is you. You are the one who learns to breathe the body and lift yourself out of the pain of self-created conflicts. You are the one, dear brother or sister. Only you.
So i've been thinking..... why do we hunger so much for love outside of ourselves when it already exists within? We're all so trained to look for love on the outside in someone else and in something else....when it's already right there...how do we pull ourselves out of unhealthy relationships that drain our energy and our light but somehow keep serving us at the same time...?? People...us...we...are all looking so hard for the temporary fix that looks like it makes us feel better and act better.....but in reality, we're deeply hurting, deeply needing to accept it inside....for ourselves. I fall into this trap of giving my power away to men only to completely lose all of who I am....and I am so full of energy, beauty, and light, and so many men feel it's their right to take the light for themselves for their temporary gratification to feel appreciated and needed.....why do I keep falling into this trap....lack of self love..has to be the reason.. why does that exist? Our society is so full of bullshit beliefs about who we should be, what we should do, how we should look...and it's sickening. It makes everyone always feel in lack...not ever good enough. It's this cycle of giving in to what seems to be ideal, wonderful, glorious, passionate and yet it's really not that at all...it's this dream fueled by egos and fueled by both people really wanting something outside of themselves....so that they fulfill it over and over and over until they become....one big THING...no separate identities or separate interests but one big undefined relationship of codependency...yikes! Who reminds us of our truth? Who reminds us that power, true power is within? ..that there is every reason to keep your power sacred and never give it to those who are only depleting it slowly until they feel so much better about themselves leaving you helpless.....that's what it feels like...helplessness. who can relate? or am I just seriously too analytical about it all like so many sensitive and emotional women? It's time to take a stand for personal power......for all those women and men who constantly give it away for the sake of temporarily feeling better about who they are.
|
