Hello everyone,
This is an excerpt of the first chapter of my book, which I'm soon to be launching.
Anyone who likes to support me in getting the word out about it, please let me know how:)))
Serendipity
Jane wanted a pair of new boots. She had spent half the day trying on more styles than she thought she’d see in a lifetime. She was very clear on what she wanted, but nothing seemed to fit the idea she had in mind — not to mention she had no Cinderella size foot.
By the end of the day, Jane had been to more shops than she thought existed in her area. Yet, she still hadn’t found those perfect boots. She wondered if she should keep trying — or just give up.
The search for the right life coach can be just as daunting. You can waste a lot of time searching for someone who is just the right fit, and this can allow self-doubt to creep in. And often, if people don’t find the right person immediately, they abandon the search altogether, feeling stuck and left with a lot of unanswered questions.
That day turned out to be pivotal in Jane’s life.
Her search for a simple pair of boots had turned into an obsession for finding perfect footwear.
The fact that this was a metaphor for her life was not lost on Jane. In a moment of clarity, she realized that she had always searched for her “ideal” life, but when it didn’t materialize, she would get discouraged and stop half way to her dream. She would begin to drift again and end up back at square one. This was a vicious cycle that she repeated over and over.
It seemed Jane’s feet were always sore from walking on the merciless cobblestones where many brave men and women lost their soles (pun intended). Her high heels got stuck in the sidewalk cracks more than once, much the way she felt stuck in her life. And she had lost count of the times she had to take her shoes to the cobbler. She wasn’t going to try and repair them herself. She thought it best to get them into the trained hands of someone who, of course, could not wear her shoes, but who would make them look like new (or almost).
She had envisioned her new boots as tall, black and shiny. All along the sidewalk, she noticed the little bits and pieces of other people’s shoes that had detached themselves and were left behind. This reminded her of the many things she had started in life. Her introspective analysis of other people’s shoes didn’t end there. When she thought of the many messes in her life, her head began to spin. It became difficult just to focus her thoughts.
Feeling apathy creep in, she wandered along until she caught herself counting the potholes and puddles on the city streets. Finally, she abandoned her quest and decided to stop somewhere and wind down. She spotted a small café that was almost empty and sat down to relax.
A coffee connoisseur, Jane’s favorite beverage was dark roast with a pinch of cinnamon, one drop of maple syrup, dark chocolate and finely ground almonds. She closed her eyes and imagined that taste. It gave her a feeling of comfort and well being. But she just assumed they couldn’t make such an elaborate special-order concoction. Instead, she settled for a plain coffee.
Have you noticed how quickly people settle for less than the best?
Many people go after their dreams, only to settle for a life they really don’t want but they tolerate it. They simply believe what they really want — material things, the career they want, and the relationships they desire — is out of reach.
It seemed that over the years, Jane’s list of “can’t reach” items, when combined with her list of “can’t imagine” things she wanted, had successfully closed the shutters on her view from the window of opportunity. Why was she restricting herself in her personal choices and options?
Equipped with a vivid imagination, Jane could use her mind to travel in seconds to places she dreamed about or enjoy the pleasure of tasting her favorite coffee. But instead of going for what she wanted, she sipped on whatever was easily available. She sat in the comfort of the quiet café but didn’t really enjoy herself.
Taking a moment to reflect, her mind finally stopped oscillating between the things she “wanted” and “couldn’t have.” True, there is always something that can get in our way. There’s always the great temptation that it’s easier to give up. There are, too, always logical mental constructs that build the foundation of a determination thief, an excuse, a mental gremlin or false belief. No matter what you want to call it, it all comes down to resistance to what you really want in life.
Jane knew she had let herself drift off into a safe oblivion behind the can’t-have-universe. The safer she felt, the greater her discomfort inside, but the greater the degree of perceived stability and constructed reasons for why she had absolutely no other choice but to accept her situation, for now.
This was much the same with almost all of her “pending items” in life.
Jane took a sip of her coffee and disliked it. She stirred her cup loudly, frustrated, and realized this coffee she didn’t even like was already getting cold. She had successfully deceived herself into thinking that her mind would easily accept the situation, but her feeling revealed the truth — a feeling of guilt and general discomfort.
Have you sometimes deprived yourself of something you could have easily had with just a little more effort? Have you decided to stay in the “discomfort” of your comfort zone, rather than choosing your way out and moving into a better place and more comfortable feeling?
How many things are on your “To Do” list? How many material items have you accumulated that you don’t really want that just add clutter to your life? Are you feeling overwhelmed because you’re not getting to the end of your long list? Do you travel too much? Is your work demanding long hours? Do you have to take care of a family and your household at the same time you work a full-time job and feel exhausted? Are you busy with things that you dislike but you do them because you feel there are no other options?
Of all the things that need your attention now, which ones will eventually take you to your ideal life situation? If there are not many you can think of, your life needs your urgent attention, now!
A person with many talents, Jane wasted much of her potential simply because she didn’t pursue her passions. She had gone into the arts, music, poetry, singing and dancing, but never really got to the point where she would take one of these to the top. Instead, she let them fizzle and she accumulated self-deprecating thoughts. She often felt things were “worth a try,” but if success was not easily achieved, she would hastily decide they didn’t deserve more of her energy and attention. It was all a waste of time, she thought.
What a shame! What she felt was a waste of time really was a gift gone to waste. At this point she had neither time nor energy to make great efforts, or so she thought.
The feeling of “not being good enough” lingered, and drained her of more and more energy. So easily, though, each one of her talents could have turned into a huge success. Had she not been her own most merciless and dominant Simon Cowell — giving away her vote to others, who in her eyes were better, more qualified, more beautiful, more talented, wealthier and perhaps had more self-esteem — she could have had a career. And who knows, perhaps she could have even become famous.
.
Life coaching is about building self-esteem and adapting a proper view of yourself. It’s the very beginning of a path that leads to success for which it takes indestructible self-belief to really make a difference. It’s your life — couldn’t you use some more focus, attention and a plan that takes you to the achievement of your goals?
Jane was right: this day was not meant for buying boots. She scratched that one off her list. Wow, how simple life can be. What a relief!
Usually when you have to chase something so hard, and you just can’t find it anywhere, it’s actually an indicator that it’s not the right moment. Jane learned to accept it. That was a good thing.
She gave herself the chance to shift her attention, and of course, it was easier to find excuses and avoid finding real solutions. It was easier to give up than to persevere. In our society, we are trained to think in terms of instant gratification. But it’s healthy to know when you just have to stop and realize that what you are doing is not working and/or even against you own being.
Jane’s thoughts were bothering her. She picked up a magazine to distract herself. She glanced at the cover page on which George Clooney was pictured with a female friend and then she affirmed to herself “Even he finds time for a girlfriend.” In the same breath she affirms to herself a thought of “I don’t have anyone in my life, and I have all the time in the world.”
Listless and bored, she flipped through the pages, though really just looking at the pictures. She was about to put the magazine down when she found an article with a headline that read:
“Many People Discover Life Coaching
and What It Can Do for Them”
The article drew her in and she began to read it with interest.
All of the people interviewed in the article, who discovered life coaching for themselves, had three things in common:
1) They didn’t know what life coaching was before they got started.
2) They started a program that was customized to their individual needs.
3) They turned their situations around in no time.
At that moment, Jane felt confused, curious … intrigued? She perceived her own life as a construction site that the architect left before he could give the instructions to build the high-rise.
A fitting image: a yellow “caution” tape wrapped around the holes dug up to actually start laying the foundation for the building. She felt that hole, especially in her finances.
Perhaps her inner architect suddenly was looking at the holes on the construction site and decided to leave because the ground he chose for his building wasn’t strong and solid. This particular architect forgot what?
He forgot about the foundation. Without it, the elaborate high rise structure would eventually fall over. As a result, the construction site stayed empty, desolate, and especially for children, a hazard zone. Jane realized that in this was a metaphor for her life, too, and that currently her “work in progress” was lacking the “men at work.” (Or in her case, the woman at work.)
Since she’d felt that nothing was progressing for such a long time, Jane started to believe that there were only holes, or incompletes, in her life. All the efforts invested in her studies, the practices, the thoughts and time spent in rehearsals and auditions hadn’t amounted to anything. One morning she’d decided to abandon everything and get an office job. She would do any occupation, just to know her bills would be paid and to have a more comfortable lifestyle more quickly.
She ended up ranting about what didn’t go right in life, became bitter about people who were not supportive of her, and lacked both respect for others and for herself. Thinking about her day, she actually realized that she never even planned just one day ahead. Routine and boredom were her self-inflicted punishment for having gone off her natural path — what actually would have been her high rise if she had stayed her own architect. She also consistently spent more money than she had in her bank account.
Each month she would feed her frustration with unhealthy foods and by adding yet another gadget to her collection that she couldn’t afford and didn’t need. She also continually added more and more people to her life who kept her company in her misery. She figured that at least they would understand.
“Self-deception,
negative self-talk and lack of self-esteem
should be considered
as criminal offenses against one’s self.
As such they should be punished with intense personal training
with a life coach trained to facilitate self-development
programs in total immersion.”
— Serendipity Jane
Of course, there were more of those “pending issues,” too.
Making excuses got her angry at other people — she blamed them rather than looking to herself as the culprit. The most effective way to set yourself up for failure is to give other people the power to stop you in your own development.
The fact is, Jane consistently had good ideas. She was creative, she could convince you, even fascinate you — you’d be sold on her ideas in no time. She would become very excited about putting the ideas into action.
But then, a few days would go by, and she would forget all about that great idea. She hadn’t captured her thoughts on paper, letting them drift off into the universe (as either waves or particles of energy), and as such, gave another brilliant mind the “author rights” for what she felt was really great stuff. She could shine a light on a topic with passion, or when explaining the mechanical aspect of something, she showed tremendous technical skills. Her eyes seemed to sparkle when all of her interest intensified in the moment with her inspiration and creativity.
Yet, because she had failed to take action on her ideas, she would end up thinking about what others did with the ideas she’d had, feeling regretful and resentful. Sometimes, she would estimate the profits others had made on something she easily could have thought of. She got depressed over the perceived loss she’d created and instantly found another comforting phrase that would keep her right where she was: “Well, at least you don’t have the complications and troubles rich people have.”
Somehow, Jane was under the assumption that not being wealthy equaled not having problems. Nonetheless, she realized that she was lying to herself. She knew she could be using her time in other ways. Her day could have been structured in a way that systematically and strategically built on an action plan and developed her goals.
Whenever she saw her friends, who over time were getting married, had kids, and built their happy lives, she realized that she was missing out. She would watch Bridget Jones’ Diary and its sequel over and over on the weekends to have an excuse not to have to go out and actually meet someone. That in and of itself, she felt, was pathetic.
She told her friends about how she always was getting the short end of the stick in life, and they began to compare who had the shortest stick to see who deserved the most pity. She felt that too was pathetic.
Being in her mid-thirties, Jane also felt too old to start something new. Or too tired to put effort into one of her old ideas, and because she had neglected her physical exercise, she also felt she was too heavy.
When it came to exercise and fitness training, she was not short of any excuse either. Finding excuses was a great skill of hers, and she was more successful in her self-sabotage techniques than in detecting her false reasoning — until she experienced that serendipitous event, that very day in the café, when she came across the article on life coaching.
She now thought, “Perhaps what I really need is not another pair of boots, but a life coach.”
Interestingly, she had wanted to put down the magazine, but something inside had told her to keep reading. She had listened to her inner voice. That’s all it took to get her started on her quest for a new and improved version of herself.
In that one moment, Jane had started to take charge of her life. She shifted from feeling unable to accomplish anything in her life to being convinced that she could continue where she started off a long time ago and develop her talents.
Feeling unable to change her situation alone, she decided that very day to explore what a life coach would be able to do for her. She was moved to ACTION.
On the corner of that magazine page, she wrote down the phone number and tore it off. She left the page in the magazine so that others could read the article after her.
She thought to herself, “I’ll never forget what this number is for. I’ll call that life coach tomorrow!” She called it her “secret number.”
Of course, tomorrow never comes and little pieces of paper easily get lost or forgotten.
How do you note your “MUST DO” items?
Do you keep an agenda, in paper or an electronic calendar?
Do you have a notebook you carry with you? Do you write in it daily?
Do you use other tools to write down your thoughts? How can you keep holding onto a certain way of thinking so that your thoughts stay focused on what you want to do? In other words, how do you practice your own “mind control”?
Would you agree that
there simply is no better time than NOW
to change things in your life?
Jane’s heart was beating a little faster. She decided to call immediately, convinced that later on she would forget.
It was a call to her rescue. It felt good, SO good!!
An answering machine picked up and asked her to leave her name, number and purpose of her call and she would be called back right away.
Right away … just hearing that , she noticed how her mind began to feel at peace.
She left a brief message, felt happy with her decision, folded the tiny piece of paper twice and tucked it away, knowing that she had set a process in motion. For the moment, she had no clue where it would take her. All she knew was that it felt good.
Jane kept her “secret number” buried in her wallet. She promised herself that she would do what it took to finally get out of that rut she was in. She was finally ready to get started with whatever she would need to do to make a significant permanent change, and something inside her heart told her this was the right thing to do.
The complete inner calm and peace of mind that came with this decision almost felt like a promise of great things to come.
She was very curious.
“Life coaching … okay, now what did these people really do and how did they do it?”
Although she didn’t know exactly what that “it” was going to be, although she had no clue as to how long “it” would take her to get “it” done, and despite the fact that she had no idea about what “it” would cost her, she knew one thing: she had to start to define “it” or else she would never get anywhere.
She had reached that threshold at which one either makes a change, or gets depressed, resigning oneself to an unfulfilling life.
Choosing a new path was not that easy; there was no map to follow in reaching her dream. But the very next morning, Jane was ready to define her next destination. She felt energized, and the path she knew was ahead of her was a far-off target on the horizon that she only could reach if she kept on going in that direction.
“Success = 99% hard work ….”
Just like those highly successful people in the article, she knew she would get there. The real questions for Jane were:
- Would life coaching help her the way that it helped these other people?
- Would it be something useful for her?
Can you relate to Jane’s story at all?
If you answer that question with “Yes!” you’ll be pleased to know the following chapters contain an abundance of action steps you can take right now. You’ll be able to work through some exercises to help you get started, and you’ll meet some fantastic life coaches, too.
Serendipity Jane made that phone call the same day. She had hesitated but she had done it. And she understood that her decision was no decision unless she put into action what had to change.
Use this book and Jane’s story as a point of reference to make today your pivotal point in life.
Let your feelings be in alignment with your thoughts and actions.
Then, this book truly becomes that guide that not just contains real life accounts, exercises, positive affirmations and other self-help tools.
Nobody can get you working on your life right now but you.
Let Serendipity Jane be your guide to finding the right coach for you and let her be your companion in your own quest to discover what life coaching can do for you.
Who you choose to partner with along the way is entirely up to you.
Just make sure that you’re taking action today and that you choose a coach with whom you can master that first difficult phase — where you decide what it is you want to do and how you should go about doing it.
Think of life like a pair of boots; you are the only one walking in them and feeling it when they don’t fit.
These nine featured coaches will take you through their chapters and explain what they do, how they do it and how you can benefit.
I am convinced that all of them — and this I guarantee — can help you.
Let them give you insights and practical wisdom to get started. They are here for you to use as a catalyst. It only takes a tiny spark to light a huge fire. Let the coach be that spark for you, and, in particular, let the entire process and your coaching relationship feel fun.
Play all out!
Read and allow yourself to feel who of the coaches writes just for you. Which one(s) do you feel a connection with through these pages?
Note your questions in the fields marked for them and give yourself the liberty to be completely honest with yourself about what it is you really want.
Notes and questions: What is it I really want?
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Tags: Life Coaching Guide Serendipity Jane
